Do you treat your kids fairly?

Growing up in a large household with eight children running around was lots of fun, but how was it to parent such a large number of kids?

Among the many happy memories growing up, I also have vivid memories of contrasting treatment towards certain siblings and I grew up surrounded by feelings of difference. It wasn’t an obvious “favoritism”, however over the years it became more apparent and I came to realise that my emotions of low confidence growing up, was a reflection of feeling “not good enough” to the ones that mattered the most in my life…my parents.

When talking about this to my parents recently, I realised that they really had no idea that they were treating us differently at all.  With so many mouths to feed, they just never thought about feeding our hearts and our minds fairly at the same time! Alhamdulillah our faith tells us exactly how we should treat all our children, and the answer is simply “justly”.

“Be just: that is nearer to piety; and fear Allah.”
(Qur’an al-Maa’idah ayat 8)

The beautiful teaching and manners of our Prophet Muhammad (SAW) is also a clear example of how we should treat our children.

“My father gave me some of his wealth, and my mother ‘Amrah bint Rawaahah said: ‘I will not accept this until you ask the Messenger of Allah (SAW) to bear witness to it.’ So my father went to the Prophet (SAW) to ask him to bear witness to the gift he had given me. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said to him, ‘Have you done this for all your children?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Fear Allah and treat all your children fairly.’ So my father came back and took back his gift.” (Narrated by Muslim)

Another narration of this hadith is:

“Do not ask me to bear witness to this, for I will not bear witness to injustice.” (Narrated Muslim)

This hadith emphasises that we should be fair in our “giving” as well as our “nurturing”. It doesn’t have to be exactly the same for each child but needs to hold the same value dependent on the ages of the child.

When praising a child in the presence of another, simply praise the other one too on something else that they have achieved.  It makes so much difference.  Many parents criticise their kids, especially in front of others, hoping that it will make them stronger.  This action actually has the opposite effect and can cause more harm than good. These behaviors can make children feel ashamed and humiliated about their failures and instill a disastrous belief of “I can’t do it”.

The confidence we get from our parents, family and upbringing is absolutely crucial to the person we become. Many of us go through life not even knowing that there is an underlying problem with our self-belief and confidence and a lot of it is because of how you were treated as a child.  These characters can manifest in so many ways and unless we “realise and admit it” we can never work on resolving our issues.

As a parent myself, I have found just how difficult it is to be fair! Some kids are just more “easy” than others so it doesn’t seem like you are treating them differently, when in fact you are!  On one occasion I remember smiling back at my son who was smiling at me. The other one said “how come you don’t smile at me Mummy?  My heart sank! My other son doesn’t naturally smile and can be quite “whiny” so of course it didn’t come naturally to smile at him at that moment, it was not intentional. I understood how he must have felt a little “unloved” because he didn’t get the same smile, so I beamed a smile and told them that I loved them both sooo much! I saw the faith restored in his eyes, Subhan Allah!

The simple understanding that all your children should be treated fairly and with respect can save so much unnecessary heartache and feelings of jealousy and resentment. It may seem so childish but it affects your child deeply and contributes to the person they become.

I pray that Allah (SWT) blesses us all with strength and ability to treat our kids with lots of love and justice and I pray that our children grow up to be strong, confident and “just” Muslims, Ameen.


Subscribe now to get more great articles sent to your mailbox



Share this post
  , , ,

146 thoughts on “Do you treat your kids fairly?

  1. Asalamualaikum SISTER
    Im living in joint family Alhamdullilah.ur article is very helpful I been through in these kind of situation so many times but from now on inshaAllah I will follow your advice and im sure day by day everything will be ok.
    Jazkumullahkhair sister.
    May Allah reward you and give you success in this world n hearafter.
    I read your other articles aswl and im tryin my best to act that way with all the children.

  2. Subhannallah the situation with your children just reflected my relationship with my children! AMEEN to your dua’a! guidance comes from Allah and so we must ask Him to make us just and show us our mistakes so we can correct them in shaAllah. Jzk for your work. Pls keep it up! Salam

  3. Saheed Oniloyi and Olashile Ali had reasons to rejoice at the weekend when they combined to win a total sum of N8m (Eight million naira) with a N400 stake.
    The close friends used their understanding of football bets to predict the outcome of matches of
    some Europa league and some Italian football league matches.
    At the end of the Europa league matches on Thursday,
    their tickets were confirmed and it revealed that they have emerged as the biggest winners of the bet9ja
    game show. In an interview after claiming his prize, Saheed
    Oniloyi claimed that he was praying when someone beckoned on him that the game on his ticket has sealed victory for him.
    “I was praying when someone told me that the last team on my ticket won their game. I was startled because I couldn’t believe that my fortune has changed. Now I am a millionaire though I have always been very lucky in all my endeavour” His friend and fellow winner of the jackpot prize Olashile Ali could
    not express his joy when asked about his new financial status.

    “I don’t know what to say for now. I am just too happy and I cannot tell it all until I sleep over it. It’s a great day in my life” The winners were
    presented with their cheque on Friday, last week

  4. Thanks a lot for writing the idea, I bookmarked the web page. I’m additionally searching for information regarding best medical malpractice lawyers, do you know where I can discover something such as this? I will return in a little while!

  5. Hey, you’re certainly right. I frequently look over your articles carefully. I am furthermore focused on omega xl for joint pain, you might talk about that from time to time. I’ll be back.

  6. Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your post seem to be
    running off the screen in Internet explorer. I’m not sure if this
    is a format issue or something to do with browser compatibility
    but I thought I’d post to let you know. The style
    and design look great though! Hope you get the issue resolved soon. Cheers

  7. Hey there would you mind letting me know which web host you’re utilizing? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you suggest a good internet hosting provider at a reasonable price? Cheers, I appreciate it!

  8. Hey there! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any recommendations?

  9. You’re completely right. I really liked looking through this and I will come back for more straight away. My own website is on the subject of download lucky patcher apk, you could have a look if you happen to be still interested in this.

  10. Hello there, you’re absolutely correct. I constantly read through your site content closely. I am furthermore thinking about real estate business, maybe you might write about this at times. Take care!

  11. I am curious to know which website system you are utilizing? I am experiencing a few small protection challenges with my most recent site regarding wireless home intercom system so I would like to find one thing much more risk-free. Have you got any solutions?

  12. I’m impressed, I need to say. Actually rarely do I encounter a weblog that’s each educative and entertaining, and let me let you know, you might have hit the nail on the head. Your notion is outstanding; the problem is one thing that not sufficient persons are speaking intelligently about. I am very pleased that I stumbled across this in my search for something relating to this.

  13. I’m actually enjoying the theme/design of your information site. Do you face any kind of browser compatibility issues? A number of my own site audience have complained about my firestarter apk kodi site not operating appropriately in Internet Explorer yet looks amazing in Safari. Have you got any kind of tips to assist repair the problem?

  14. Our LGV (Large Goods Vehicle) HGV training is based in East London, and our LGV/ HGV courses are taught by qualified DVSA LGV & HGV trainers. LGV was formerly known as HGV, where it used to be referred to as HGV Class 2 (now called LGV Category C) and HGV class 1 (Now called LGV Category C+E).

  15. Hi there! This is my first comment here so I simply wanted to say a fast hello and tell you I really enjoy reading your blog posts. Can you suggest any other blogs that cover pokemon go version? I am likewise extremely fascinated by that thing! Thanks for your time!

  16. Admiring the dedication you put into your site and comprehensive info you offer. It really is nice to find a site from time to time that is just not the same outdated rehashed information. Excellent read! We have bookmarked your webpage and I am including the RSS feeds to my self propelled mower webpage.

  17. I personally came over here via a different web address on the subject of canon driver and imagined I should read this. I quite like what I see thus now I am following you. Looking towards checking out your website all over again.

  18. My family and I really adore your website and find a majority of your content to be exactly what I am in need of. Do you offer other people to create content for you? I would not mind producing a piece of text regarding sea freight services or even on some of the subjects you write about on this page. Awesome place!

  19. Good blog! I truly love how it is easy on my eyes and the data are well written. I am wondering how I might be notified when a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your RSS feed which must do the trick! Have a nice day!

  20. I see your blog doesn’t rank in google’s top 10, but your
    articles can get into top 10. You should find the right longtail keywords before you write an article.

    How to find super easy longtail keywords? Search in google for; Fasrixo’s tools

  21. Hi I am really glad I discovered this web page, I really encountered you by error, while I was searching on Aol for where to watch movies online. Anyhow I am here now and would really like to say cheers for a marvelous write-up and the all around thrilling blog (I likewise like the design), I do not have the time to look over it entirely at the minute however I have bookmarked it and even added in your RSS feed, so once I have time I’ll be returning to look over more. Make sure you do keep up the superb work.

  22. Appreciating the commitment you invested in your website and thorough info you provide. It is amazing to find a blog every now and then which is just not the same expired re-written information. Amazing read! We have saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my own websites to watch free movies page.

  23. Thanks for another wonderful article. Where else could anybody get that kind of information in such a perfect way of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I am on the look for such info.

  24. I’ve been exploring for a bit for any high quality articles or weblog posts on this kind of house . Exploring in Yahoo I finally stumbled upon this website. Reading this info So i am glad to express that I’ve an incredibly good uncanny feeling I came upon just what I needed. I such a lot without a doubt will make sure to do not disregard this web site and give it a look on a continuing basis.

  25. I really like what you guys are usually up too. This kind of
    clever work and reporting! Keep up the very good works guys I’ve included you
    guys to my blogroll.

  26. Heya excellent blog! Does running a blog like this require a lot of work? I have absolutely no understanding of coding however I was hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyway, if you have any ideas or tips for new blog owners please share. I understand this is off topic but I just needed to ask. Many thanks!

  27. Hey! This is my first reply on your website so I really wanted to say a fast shout out and tell you I genuinely enjoy reading through your blog posts. Can you recommend any other sites that deal with websites to watch free movies? I am also highly intrigued by that thing! Thank you so much!

  28. You are absolutely right! I enjoyed reading through this and I will return for more straight away. My internet site is about wealth generators contact, you could have a look if you are interested in this.

  29. I’m not sure exactly why but this blog is loading incredibly slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

  30. What i do not understood is actually how you are not really a lot more well-favored than you might be right now. You are very intelligent. You already know therefore considerably when it comes to this subject, made me individually believe it from numerous varied angles. Its like men and women don’t seem to be fascinated except it is something to do with Woman gaga! Your individual stuffs excellent. All the time maintain it up!

  31. Nice post. I used to be checking constantly this weblog and I’m impressed! Extremely helpful info specially the remaining section 🙂 I handle such information a lot. I was looking for this particular information for a long time. Thanks and good luck.

  32. We unquestionably love your blog and find most of your articles to be just what I’m searching for. Do you offer people to write articles for you? I wouldn’t mind creating a story on best expert advisor or perhaps on many of the subjects you’re writing about on this website. Cool website!

  33. My spouse and I really love your blog and find almost all of your blog posts to be just what I’m interested in. Would you offer guest writers to write information for you? I wouldn’t mind creating an article about hd movies online or even on most of the topics you write about on this page. Awesome site!

  34. Al Hadi AC Refrigration and Repairing is committed to giving your ACs a new lease of life. We have a team of experienced professionals which has serviced more than a 1000 units, much to the satisfaction of our clients. The effort at Al Hadi has always been to service a call in the shortest span of time and to close it with a happy client. The referrals we get is a testimony to our work. Try our services today!

  35. Howdy! This is my first comment on this site so I just wanted to give a fast hello and say I really enjoy reading your posts. Can you suggest other websites that deal with investing in real estate? I’m likewise extremely curious about that thing! Thank you!

  36. Hi there! Quick question that’s entirely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My blog looks weird when browsing from my iphone. I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to correct this issue. If you have any suggestions, please share. With thanks!

  37. I am actually enjoying the theme of your blog. Do you ever come across any internet browser compatibility situations? Quite a few of my own website readers have lamented about my health & fitness tips site not working the right way in Internet Explorer though appears fantastic in Firefox. Have you got any ideas to assist fix this matter?

  38. Hi and thanks for this awesome content! I really appreciated finding out about it.I’ll be sure to bookmark the site and will return in the future. I would like to suggest you to ultimately keep going with the fine work, even try to think of sports sites also, have a great morning!

  39. I’m really curious to understand what website platform you have been working with? I’m having a few minor security challenges with our most recent site dealing with house building plans so I would like to find a thing far more secure. Are there any solutions?

  40. Are you tired of your ac repair in Dubai? Are you looking for Certified Professionals to carry out your ac repair with improved facilities and in an expert way?. Hot and humid conditions are not easy to tolerate, especially when you are not used to them. But, thanks to the air conditioners – living in such extreme settings can also become a pleasant experience, and more so if you are in Dubai.

  41. I was talking to a buddy of my own on this article and even regarding excel tutorial too. I feel you made a few very good points in this article, we’re also looking forward to read more stuff from you.

  42. I am actually enjoying the design of your weblog. Do you ever encounter any kind of browser compatibility problems? A lot of my own website visitors have lamented regarding my facility systems website not operating effectively in Internet Explorer but seems great in Firefox. Are there any tips to aid repair that matter?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Like Us!
Like Us
Thank You!
Like Us
Subscribe Now!
Like Us!
Get More Videos
Subscribe Now!
Like Us!
Thank You!
Like Us!
You are now subscribed!
Like Us
Like Us
Nearly there... Just enter your details below
Ramadan Giveaway
Like Us
Your Now In Our Prize draw!
Ramadan Giveaway
Please keep a look out for emails from us to find out who the winner is!
Thank You!
The Worlds First Interactive Online Islamic School
The Worlds First Interactive Online Islamic School
The Worlds First Interactive Online Islamic School
Hey! Don't miss out on this offer
This Won't Last Long! Simply Fill in Your Shipping Details and We'll Send Your Item/s ASAP.
WAIT! Don't Miss Your FREE DVD
Simply tell us where to ship it to and it will be with you soon!
Please Review And Confirm Your Order Before You Go!
WAIT! Don't Miss Out
WAIT...Don't Miss Out!
You can get all of this fantastic Islamic Knowledge for only £1
WAIT...Don't Miss Out!
This Special Offer is not available anywhere else...don't miss out.
WAIT...Don't Miss Out!
This Special Offer is not available anywhere else...don't miss out.